PS This is an NSFW Post, ie NOT Sexual but of Self Harm content.
The day started off with a horrible dream. Which is as follows: Kathleen Doherty(Mulligan), whom I saw after several years last month, was hitting my head as in a HARD patting on the head. She later apologised but NOT profusely. Martin was hitting JP(Their son). I went onto Twitter(which is quite unusual as first, it ain’t my usual ranting place and 2, the characters limit), to rant out. I was heart breaking, and crying as the same time. Even crying as I was writing tweet.
When I woke up eventually around 4ish for the dole, My sheets were wet, literally. Now how this particular dream came about more than likely was that my Dad’s relatives were visiting them. I was invited up as was my sis. Now Jim(Dad’s relative) knows I’m gay, I ain’t sure about Jane(his wife), but this triggered the above dream. But as I explained to my sis later on today, I can’t understand why I would wanna care whether Jane knows my sexuality or not. I wasn’t sure of her attitude towards gay ppl or whatever. By right I shouldn’t care.
So then I eventually got up from such a horrid nightmare, and set about getting my dole. I then headed into the bank to lodge the cash in. Then I went to tescos, to get milk for my sis’ place. I provide my own milk. She drinks dairy. Whereas I don’t. I got a few grub. I FINALLY got the blades, the yoke that are disposable. I kept forgetting to buy em.
I then showered, after a long spell of not having such. I did my bits and bobs – hahaha. I was using my new blades that are disposable. I nicked meself on my hand twice. Now while it WASN’T intentional, I have to admit, that I felt so good afterwards. While it was extremely painful, I was showering the blood off, and any blood that was left(which wasn’t much), I just licked it off like Dracula(booohhahaahahah). Again it was extremely painful considering a layer of skin came off in two places on one hand.
On the way to Tescos, I then had seen Hate Crime from The Guest(Review here) and realsied what is the actual difference between Hate Crime AND Discrimination. From what I gather and understand, Hate Crime is relating to psychical and verbal, whereas Discrimination is in relation to the law and more so used in a company. Correct me if I’m wrong.
So then after the showering, I headed on off to my sis. I told her of the above ie the dream etc., When I was calling it out, I had on my phone, it read as follows: “I showered the boys off”. Well the laugh I got off it. hahaah. It was something else alrite. I tell ya that bit. As she says, It certainly made me laugh. Something I needed. heeheh. Then I suddenly realsied that by me skipping the visit of Jim and Jane, that sparked my depression a few years ago. I had moved in a few months ago in 2011. Then a few months(Oct 2011), I got into a deep state of depression over the homophobic abuse. And now it happened again today. What does that say. Could it be another depression coming along. Considering I did have thoughts of self harm alrite. I just had a few things on my mind. Partially financially. Because I didn’t get up in time last Friday for Credit Union Gear Ireland sales event on Saturday then there was Lidls stuff I was to get on Monday(yesterday).
While cooking Pasta, I was wondering why it was taking an age to heat up let alone boil it. I just checked and actually had it at half the temperature for boiling. hahah.