Diary 6th November 2015

PS This post contains NSFW content by means of self harm and suicidility. ie TRIGGER

While last night’s sleep wasn’t as bad as the previous night’s, it most sure was no better. I endured, such traumatic events again and again and again. I endured more harrowing dreams and more so thoughts this time round. Like one of the thoughts, would be when  I’m with my folks, that I go up and tell em that I’ve been raped by the guy in Romania. It has been made clearer to me that its a very strong possibility that I have may have been molested. So in so telling em this, I react very bad like a maniac in terms of crying constantly and braking plates etc., Then another thought would be that I be on the edge of the River Liffey, And in so doing I ring Barry whom I hold dearly as a very well respected friend and of course my sis. They both meet each other to state that “I’m sorry to meet you under the current circumstances”, while attempting to save me I hold onto a pole but the wind whisks me in, and somehow I end up in Vincent’s Hosp. I again react badly when staff attempt to touch me. I ask them what you give me, they tell me Haloperidol. Then another is that I kill myself cause I ate meat, despite giving several hundreds to animal charities and sanctuaries etc., So inso doing I give my family a letter stating that “I couldn’t look at other Vegans etc., and tell them I ate an animal by accident. I couldn’t even live with myself”. Something like that. Then another would be that I put up on FB that I just can’t deal with all of this dreams etc., etc., and tagging Curt, My sis etc., etc.,

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