Diary 6th January 2016 – Feast of the Epiphany(Three Wise Men visited Jesus in the Manger); Women’s Christmas

Little humour to start off the blog, hahaha, as I was writing the above Blog title, literally, I got a fit of the giggles. I recalled a quote from Mrs. Brown’s Boys Christmas Special ’14. Mrs. Brown herself says:

“Wise!!!They got fucken lost”, what a class quote from her shows.

The Feast of the Epiphany aswell as being a religious aspect is actually also a day for the women, ie Women’s Christmas or in Irish Nollaig na mBán. You may also hear down through your travels Nollaig Beag which means Little Christmas. Women’s Christmas was actually started in Co. Cork and continens to be an Irish Tradition.

And now back onto me, hheheeheh,

I struggled along to get out of bed for Social welfare, sure who would. hahaha. But that said thou I was saying to meself, could I try tomorrow Thurs, but NO cause Dad wants my sis n I for the decorations to yank your chain down, hahha, Friday assuming he wants me at least back on Friday for the outside lights, ehhehehe so that would be a no no. I said I have to get up for the sake of the payments and more so my bank. Like at the time of writing I was €189 in DR aka DR. So I proceeded to go on in and then head to see Social Welfare. I’d prefer if I didn’t but hey, nothing can be done. Besides my legs were killing me going in let alone going out. The guy then told me everything’s in order. TO come back for the final time. He proceeded to give me an envelope and went to post it. I said that I wasn’t ready for it. I’ve to get details as in Checklists ie I was to get my statements from the Bank and the Credit Union. So he told me come back with everything next week. I then asked, do I have to come in everyweek, like and he said it’ll be put into the Post Office. So he told me come back with everything and that he’ll post my DA for me. When he asked that I sign the checks ie the payments, he noted I was a leftie. heheheh. He also noted to me that If I had come back  a  day late that I would missed a payment. He was the exact same guy who clearly is gay who upset me the day I broke in front of the family. Hence why I have a +Furry Babys Stanescu called Kathleen as my mom cried into my arms comforting me.

I then proceeded to head to the bank AIB to lodge my checks in. Still worrying thou no cash will go in, but nothing can be done thou. However at the same time I went in to get my statements for the Disability Allowance. Apparently it’ll cost me €3 per page for them to send it out to me. Which is quiet bizarre. So I went to the machine however I tried it but it just gave me ONE page, so I’ll try with my NEW card and pin.

Then I went to the Credit Union for again to get Statements from the savings account I have. Only realised that the loan had been payed off in November a week before social welfare were going on about on my case. Hmmm.

So then I came back and decided to head back to sleep. Then while sleeping a memory came back of whereby I was l listing of all the home alone movies I have. Home alone 3 I was studying it r whatever I had watched it when I came back from a boat trip on the StenaHSS. We went over to Holyhead, Wales,UK. In a cold wet Nov. We looked around. I bought r whoever a PC Game on a Floppy disk 💾 god b the days. It was a Christmas 🎅 quiz game 🎮   there was a question about Wet wet wet a music band.

I then woke up for a few hours to do the last two Home Alone films. heheehh

Then just as I wake up I gave myself a horrible trigger point whereby when I recalled Social Welfare upsetting me on Wed 23rd and Mom comforting me. Then in the thought, I rush out wanting to cry further, however Dad being obsessed with his Christmas Lights Bulbs, warns me not to step on the ligts as at the time in reality my sis and my Dad were doing up the lights when Mom n I came back. I accidentally or whatever step on one of them. Then Dad gets angry and I squabble up or crumble to a pancake kinda shape ie embryo more so. I scream “get away from me”. He then opens up and says come I want to hug you. So I in my infinite wisdom, actually go up and get hugged, however he continues to squeeze me rendering me breathless and then breaks my spinal chord in half. And then throws away my body like a rag doll down the bottom of the garden. My sis and Mom witness this and exclaim to the Emergency Services that “I have witnessed an actual murder”. Remember “A life is NOT replaceable whereas , Christmas Light Bulb IS replaceable”. So then I was putting on my Onesie, and I grabbed my sleeve and had at it and of course my arm while I was in teh toilet too. I was describing I use sleeves more so than arms. The arm is for private self harm or where no one is looking and the sleeve is ONLY for those who don’t judge me ie my sis.

Diary 25th December 2015 – Christmas Day

Well after a horrible night of lack of sleep consistently. several thoughts of which some included my sis of which I won’t go into details. On my part thou was that my thought was my mother telling  to fuck off out of her life kinda thing. This continued on for the night.

Then I was due to get up for mass for the very first time since I came out. However it wasn’t to be. hahahaha.

So then it was time for my ritual self harm, nothing new. Then I headed on out to meet Dad n my sis for to head up for the annual Christmas Dinner. We then sat down for dinner. I wasn’t too impressed with the dinner. The dessert mmmmmmmmmm was lovely. I brought the Christmas Cake AND the Red Velvet Cake. I got this exact cake in aid of Marriage Equality, last April when my sis and Mom were celebrating Maureen’s birthday. So we then looked at Mrs Brown’s Boys: The Christmas Special. Twas hilarious.

I then came back. It was my intention to stay up like I would on a Sunday Night, however it wasn’t to be. hahahah. This was because I actually grew tired from all the going around my babies. +Puppys Stanescu and +Inflatables Stanescu I’ll explain.

When I got back, it was my intention to do a Christmas Message from Puppys and Inflatables. To do this, I had to first find em, which was by means pretty quick, heeheh, but then on the video, I showed my viewers each Puppy etc., likewise the Inflatables. Some inflatables thou had to be blown up thou again. Hence my tiredness. So I just hit the hay. Then after the video, I took pics of my puppys as well, just before I went to bed. I was too tired to take pics of my beloved babes Inflatables.

Diary 23rd December 2015

Well today started off with a disappointment. Again I couldn’t get out of bed. Me thinks its because I’m surviving on Green Tea. and of course Chrisps, which is shortly on their way out too.

So that said I got up slightly later than anticipated. I then headed to meet Edmund for some bizarre reason I kept calling him Edward. I even put it on the card. Like wtf, like, or as the American’s puts it “ikr(I know right)”, hahaahah. So that said I then headed on off to meet him. It was slightly later than anticipated. I first went to AIB to withdraw cash. However the machine said “Unavailable”, so I checked to ensure its not the wrong card. I went inside to try and figure out what up. Then afterwards, I was assured its the right card. So I went to the teller to withdraw. Then I went to meet Edmund eventually. hahaaha. When I arrived another guy Ruairí was there. I never met him. So Edmund then said that he had to go for an event of “Anti-Christmas”, of which I took serious. Like I would imagine there are people against it. Like Atheists, for Meat reasons and animals etc., etc.,

So then I headed on back home. On the way, I wanted to get vegan dinner for myself for Christmas Day, however it wasn’t to be. I wanted to get stamps of trying to post two cards I left behind, in Ireland. Then I realised that I had the stamps with me all the time. But not the cards. I then came back home.

I was watching a few TV shows, then I headed on back out to first the Outhouse. I had planned on going to the Down to the Earth to see if I could get more Vegan Dinner food. As time was NOT on my side, I then headed to the Outhouse to deliver MORE cards. ahahha. I left them with Jamie. I chatted for a bit. heheheh. I then headed onto meet Todd for to see Star Wars. heheheh. Twas a pleasure seeing him again after all this time. I was disheartened to learn thou that he has been suffering depression as a result of his mother a few years ago, when he was back in Irl and she was over there, ie the US, that he couldn’t be with her. Something to that effect. So then I told him of my diagnosis. etc., I ain’t sure if its official thou. He brought up a soar spot of which was by no means his intention. How was he know. So I did a bit of self harm in the cinema toilets, the biting of rubber type and I saw something unusual so then I continuing having at it. Then after the film, I headed with him to his place.

I was lookinh aty my emails, sure whats’ new. hahahaah. I then came across a very interesitng article whereby it was desceribing an art Technostaglia whereby it’d releave our wonderous Dial-Up days, theren there was the ENcarta. God be the day, I’d go every week over the Dial-Up update Encarta on a Friday ngiht while looking at the Late Late or whatever with Mom n Dad. My Dad or Mom would wanna get the phone however it’d take it up the Internet. hahaha. Ahhh mememories.


Diary 20th December 2015

Today was quite a day, hahahah. As part of my usual self harm routine, I this time, went atop the old wound in the middle of the M. Throughout the day, it started paining me like a bitch.

So then afterwards, my sis came down for her weekly downloading. heheheeh. We had a great laugh. While she was downloading, I was putting up the Christmas lights for the outside. hahahaha. Twas most enjoyable. I was ecstatic today unlike last night. I was feeling crap. Then when I saw Sister Sister, I began to feel happy etc., Then afterwards, I then realsied that with the help of my sis, that I’ll be able to afford cash for tomorrow’s meeting at the very least Seamus. I hope to meet Seamus tomoz. So with the help of my sis I only realsied that IB(Injury Benefit) – as I was only paid a one week payment, will be paid into my bank account, I’ll withdraw that for myself, as SWA(Supplemental Welfare Allowance) will be lodged in during the week as part of the check, I received last week for the TWO week, including Christmas Week. And that payment will pay for my Rent for two weeks. So yeah, As Father Jack says: “I’m a happy camper”, haahaha.

So then we both headed on. We got takeouts, then afterwards onto her place. I was looking at the Annual Bumper issue of the RTE Guide, in which it has TV listings etc., for the Christmas period. I was marking off stuff I wanted to record. Then afterwards, there was a quiz in the magazine, in which I was testing my sis. We had a ball. I went extactic when I got two questions right in the quiz.

Following are the two questions that I went exstatcit over:

  • Which country won this year’s 60th Eurovision Song Contest. My sis said Russia and I said Sweden
  • This year’s Rose of Tralee represented which Irish county. My sis said Wicklow and I said Meath.

My sis googled the above two questions and everytime she showed a face. I just went excastatic my slapping the magazine on my head. As my baby Dane DeHanne who played Harry Osborne in Amazing Spiderman 2: “I don’t know how, I don’t why”. I most certainly NOT gloating. Like saying Oh you’re a looser or whatever. NOT my style. I just overreacted, I don’t know why. But one things for sure, I just got excited. hahah.

Then I headed back to my place. And would you believe it, I put the snowman in the Bathroom window. hahaha. Of course I left up the blind. Like who wants to see a guy taking a leak or taking a dump. hahaahah. I wanted to keep up  the idea of having ALL windows be advertised. I guess what am I trying to say, that I’ve never decorated my bathroom, which ain’t the done thing, as far as my folks are concerned. So I just put up my Snowman in the Bathroom and checked if the public on the street can see off the streets, however it wasn’t to be. That said thou, that the tenants beside me can see it when they pass my place all the time. hahaah.