Well what a night it has been. I first got up at around 6ish after 2 half hour sleep. It was my first day at a course I had applied for a few weeks ago. Its called the Personal Development Course being held at the Outhouse. It is funded by the Dublin’s Gay Switchboard and the Gay Men Health Service(The crowd that diagnosed me with Hepatitis B)
So I set about heading off on my first night course. I wasn’t one bit nervous on the way. In fact, I was looking for the house that Yurean(The guy I met at the DublinFreeWHeelers event). I got talking to Yurean yesterday via WhatsApp. Now I ain’t sure whether he knows am gay or whatever. But the fact that I had a profile pic of an undies pic? yeahhhhh. So he just gave me his house number. Which I don’t quite understand. So Then I had actually passed it.
So anyways I arrived at Outhouse. I got my cuppa tea, as my breath was horrible. By cuppa tea, I actually mean Peppermint Green tea. And later on Raspberry Tea. Bernard then checked me into the list. I headed on up to the Red Room. There were about 13 or so others there. Dave the guy behind the counter was there too. So at least a familiar face. I was getting increasingly nervous, my heart pumping.
So then the two men Tony and …. were the two presenters. We the students(lightly put) were lsitening. Its a course that involves US. Our first exercise was to introduce ourselves and to tell them What would we like to get out of the course and how we heard about it. My example was all garbled. I literally said it in such a state that I was nonsensical. So what I told them and the group of course, was that Maureen(My aunt – the Nun one), had popped into the Outhouse when I was coming out at the time and had asked them that my nephew is having a hard time coming out, if they could recommend anything. They recommended this particular course. I misinterpreted as that they wanted me to go into Psychiatric care for being gay.
Our next item was a little game. Whereby we got into a circle, and CLOSING our eyes, that we just shout out numbers WITHOUT repeating. And if there was a repetition that we would move back out of the circle. now I GRAVE and GREAT difficulty in closing my eyes. I’ve never experienced such. Then again, when ever I’m told to close my eyes, I’ve always NOT been able to keep em closed. They some how always kept opening. But tonight, I was under severe stress and strain, in trying to keep em closed. Guys I never said or told anyone, that this course would be easy, in particularly my homophobia, MAY be rehased. I ain’t sure. I’ve only done 1 class out of 6.
I loved the idea of the or the ananlgy of the “Fridge” conecpt. THey had a drawing board and “Fridge” papter. Whereby any ideas put on the the “Fridge” paper, that it would be revisisited the next class or wahtever.
Our next item was what was the group execteatin of the course.
- Sharing Experience
- Achieveing stronger of understanding of self interation with other men in group
- Feel happier amongst urself
- I contributed to this particaurlar item, whereby I said that if for whatever reason that I would be TRIGGERED, cuase I was on the verge of it. Consdiernign I had enoguh crap from my friends behavior last week etc., I didn’t need anymore. E.g when I said the psychiatric e.g from my Aunt that was about to trigger me. So my point, would da course be able to curtail the triggers.
Next, What IS Personal Development.
Strive in Self Discovering. As my device(Sammy 2 where I was taking notes – was acting up), I missed a bit of this section of the class.
We were then asked to describe terms that relate to “Gay”/”Bisexual”
- Faggot(TOO Well Known to me – and everyone else hahaha)
- Steamer(Never heard of it)
- Shift lifter(Never heard of it)
- Cock Muncher(Never heard of it)
- TLDNS: The Love who dare not speak his name(Never heard of it – apparently its to do with Oscar Wilde)
- ARse Bandit(Recently I was called this at Gay Pride 2014)
- Friend of Dorothy(more than likely referring to the film – The Wizard of Oz)
- Ponce(The Look/Non Word)(Never heard of it)
- Bum Snatcher(Never heard of it)
- Faghag(A friendly term of whereby a FEMALE is a companion to a gay man – VERY popular in the United States, kinda popular in Republic of Ireland. NOT sure about NI
Then onto DEFINITIONS of Internalised Homophobia. I found this to be of quite interesting.
Distance from Early Friendships(In my case – they chickened out)
Soften the blow of being attacked by calling the person who calls you name, the same name. E.g if a guy calls you faggot and YOU are gay, then you call him faggot, and it will diffuse the situation.
Low self Esteem/ Confidence
Avoidance of Gay venues
Wreckless sex ie Boilerhouse
There was a guy there who lived in Oz, and enjoyed every moment of it gay wise. When he moved back to Ireland, he was gobsmacked. This particular guy developed Internalised Homophobia. So I guess even from writing this blog post, has thought me that I actually HAVE Internalised Homophobia. And I don’t even say it. In my case it is in relating to the abuse I would have received in the past.
So we got onto a lighter form of the course ie POSITIVES of Being Gay
- Meeting the wright person
- Learn more about your family and friends
- IN touch with your feelings
- can turn stereotypes
- Its OK if you look after your appearance
- I will survive
- More wittier
- WE can be good talkers and listeners
- Better life
- Expressions Sexually
- Sexual health matters
- Open Minded
- Close Friends
So then at the very end of the course, we were all asked to give one word, some said They felt Younger when they came out of the course, others said they feel HAPPIER now. I said Very Intriguing and inquisitive of the course.
Some were congratulated for ENTERING a gay venue ie the Outhouse for the first time. I remember the time like it was yesterday, my first time going into a gay bar ON ME OWN. It was unreal. My heart pumping etc., etc., Especially going into the Outhouse. Wow was my heart not pumping. hahaha
So in the middle of the class, we were encouraged to go for a break. We all went down to the cafe. One of the class members Tom(I think), got talking to me. MY my, my confidence in TALKING to strangers like as in class members or etc., etc., BUY clearly I don’t react too well to GROUP sessions etc., I did eventually come out of my shell. But talking to my peers in person to person was a cinch. So I then got talking to Richard who is a Filipino from Manila. I was most intrigued of is name. I thought his name was in a Filipino spelling BUT nope. He said its just on his Birth Cert. heheeh. So then we went back up to the room to do our last exercise, which I have outlined above. Then the class came to an end for week 1. Our first session was over. So we should be settling in quite well. hehehe. So I came back down with my Raspberry tea I got during the break to finish it off in the cafe. I bumped into Searson. Great to see him.
On the way back home, I came across Yurean’s place. So then I noticed something funny with the numbering. In that Numbers 90 DOWN to 1 is on the same ROAD as 1 to 90 on the same side. BUT with a BIG difference. Summerhill Parade AND Ballybough Road on the same road. Quite Unusual at the very least on the Numbers aspect.
Cardinal Sean Brady has stood down after Pope Francis accepted his resignation. He stood down over age grounds. His tenure has been overshadowed by controversy over the hiding of the Brendan Smith case. Archbishop Éamonn Martin now replaces Sean Brady and becomes the Roman Catholic Primate of All Ireland and Archbishop of Armagh.
Buckingham Palace has announced that the Duchess of Cambridge Kate Winslet is pregnant with a second child. I wish her the very of everything.
A young lad by the name Quaid CLeven has won an award for wanting the inclusion of EVERYONE when it comes to sign language. He wants everyone to use sign language, so that everyone “can communicate together “. He would like the Irish public to get starting on Sign Language so that the Deaf people can communicate as he puts it. Also would be ideal if the Late Late Toy Show would do the same. Thats his hopes.
RYanair have purchased for $11bn for 737 Max. It can accommodate more passengers, fuel efficient. And travel further too.