Diary 6th January 2016 – Feast of the Epiphany(Three Wise Men visited Jesus in the Manger); Women’s Christmas

Little humour to start off the blog, hahaha, as I was writing the above Blog title, literally, I got a fit of the giggles. I recalled a quote from Mrs. Brown’s Boys Christmas Special ’14. Mrs. Brown herself says:

“Wise!!!They got fucken lost”, what a class quote from her shows.

The Feast of the Epiphany aswell as being a religious aspect is actually also a day for the women, ie Women’s Christmas or in Irish Nollaig na mBán. You may also hear down through your travels Nollaig Beag which means Little Christmas. Women’s Christmas was actually started in Co. Cork and continens to be an Irish Tradition.

And now back onto me, hheheeheh,

I struggled along to get out of bed for Social welfare, sure who would. hahaha. But that said thou I was saying to meself, could I try tomorrow Thurs, but NO cause Dad wants my sis n I for the decorations to yank your chain down, hahha, Friday assuming he wants me at least back on Friday for the outside lights, ehhehehe so that would be a no no. I said I have to get up for the sake of the payments and more so my bank. Like at the time of writing I was €189 in DR aka DR. So I proceeded to go on in and then head to see Social Welfare. I’d prefer if I didn’t but hey, nothing can be done. Besides my legs were killing me going in let alone going out. The guy then told me everything’s in order. TO come back for the final time. He proceeded to give me an envelope and went to post it. I said that I wasn’t ready for it. I’ve to get details as in Checklists ie I was to get my statements from the Bank and the Credit Union. So he told me come back with everything next week. I then asked, do I have to come in everyweek, like and he said it’ll be put into the Post Office. So he told me come back with everything and that he’ll post my DA for me. When he asked that I sign the checks ie the payments, he noted I was a leftie. heheheh. He also noted to me that If I had come back  a  day late that I would missed a payment. He was the exact same guy who clearly is gay who upset me the day I broke in front of the family. Hence why I have a +Furry Babys Stanescu called Kathleen as my mom cried into my arms comforting me.

I then proceeded to head to the bank AIB to lodge my checks in. Still worrying thou no cash will go in, but nothing can be done thou. However at the same time I went in to get my statements for the Disability Allowance. Apparently it’ll cost me €3 per page for them to send it out to me. Which is quiet bizarre. So I went to the machine however I tried it but it just gave me ONE page, so I’ll try with my NEW card and pin.

Then I went to the Credit Union for again to get Statements from the savings account I have. Only realised that the loan had been payed off in November a week before social welfare were going on about on my case. Hmmm.

So then I came back and decided to head back to sleep. Then while sleeping a memory came back of whereby I was l listing of all the home alone movies I have. Home alone 3 I was studying it r whatever I had watched it when I came back from a boat trip on the StenaHSS. We went over to Holyhead, Wales,UK. In a cold wet Nov. We looked around. I bought r whoever a PC Game on a Floppy disk 💾 god b the days. It was a Christmas 🎅 quiz game 🎮   there was a question about Wet wet wet a music band.

I then woke up for a few hours to do the last two Home Alone films. heheehh

Then just as I wake up I gave myself a horrible trigger point whereby when I recalled Social Welfare upsetting me on Wed 23rd and Mom comforting me. Then in the thought, I rush out wanting to cry further, however Dad being obsessed with his Christmas Lights Bulbs, warns me not to step on the ligts as at the time in reality my sis and my Dad were doing up the lights when Mom n I came back. I accidentally or whatever step on one of them. Then Dad gets angry and I squabble up or crumble to a pancake kinda shape ie embryo more so. I scream “get away from me”. He then opens up and says come I want to hug you. So I in my infinite wisdom, actually go up and get hugged, however he continues to squeeze me rendering me breathless and then breaks my spinal chord in half. And then throws away my body like a rag doll down the bottom of the garden. My sis and Mom witness this and exclaim to the Emergency Services that “I have witnessed an actual murder”. Remember “A life is NOT replaceable whereas , Christmas Light Bulb IS replaceable”. So then I was putting on my Onesie, and I grabbed my sleeve and had at it and of course my arm while I was in teh toilet too. I was describing I use sleeves more so than arms. The arm is for private self harm or where no one is looking and the sleeve is ONLY for those who don’t judge me ie my sis.

Diary 16th December 2015

PS This blog post contains GRAPHIC content by means of self harm. Well what a day today was.

It all started when I got up for to help Dad with the  garden Christmas lights. That was no bother.

However thou I was also due to hand in documents that I had gathered over the past few days from my GP Doctor, my landlord etc., and of course bills etc., etc., and I handed them in. So Mom n I headed onto my Social Welfare. Well what happened, I never thought in my wildest dreams that this would ever happen to me as I’m about to explain. So I handed in my stuff. I was getting impatient waiting around due to the security’s guy management of the ticketing system of the Supplemental Welfare Allowance. When I got their in the end, the guy asked what Payment am I awaiting for. I said that I’m on IB(Injury Benefit). He said that ain’t permanent. I knew that. So he then suggested that I go onto Disability Allowance, HOWEVER He went to ask someone in the background of which I overheard. I got visibly very upset, and the guy relayed the message to me. He said I should go back onto JSA(Job Seeker’s Allowance). So to get that, I go to Intreo which is NEXT door tot the main building. I went their. The woman their told me that to get that, I should get a FINAL Cert from my GP to get my JSA back. So then armed with this information, I went back tot eh guy, told him this and he told me, here’s a check. Come back to him Wed 30th with a Letter from JSA stating that I have OPENED a claim, and that he’ll pay me, while I await my claim for JSA.

So armed with this info, I told Mom. I told her “Brace yourself”. So visibly I was getting further upset with water eyes. So with the check, I went to the bank in AIB. After that, I said to Mom in the car on the way home to Griffith Ave., “I’d do anything to have a sleeve”. So I held one of my Scarfy. Mom said “don’t you dare. He’s too good”. Something to that affect. So then jst about we were near home, I literally broke down crying, very upset, and of course my sleeve stuffed in my mouth. awwwwwww. It was all getting too much for me. So then when I came home, Mom got me a cuppa of coffee, and continued to break down. My sis n my Dad were outside doing the lights, they didn’t know what to do. Mom comforted me, crying herself.  She kept insisting, everything will be alrite. Like my issue is STABILITY. Dad gave me some more money, to tide me over for the next few weeks. I was just so devastated. Continued to be hysterically crying. I continued expressing, “I was almost sure it was all over., I could have sworn it would be all over. ”

So then I decided to get ready for to meet my mate Searson. However I had gotten a message Saigon that due to weather he won’t be able to make it. So I went instead to plan on getting my sis’ Floppy doggy n my new puppy called Kathleen. awwwwwww. However it is with great sadness that I regret to inform you, that due to my increase urges that I self harmed in the shower with a Swiss Army knife. I basically scratched until their was a bit of blood, then I continued at it, then after awhile I literally bit it. I basically went back to my habit in Romania, whereby I bit on my skin when I am stressed or whatever. In Romania, ie the orphanage, I used to bite on my skin, and then one the Matrons or whatever they call themselves, gave me a comfort rag. Hence the sleeve. eheheh.

So then I got dressed, went to get Floppy and Kathleen. Then I headed back to my sis to deliver her Floppy. Then I headed onto meet O’ Farrell. Now I hadn’t seen Brendan in ages. So was great to see him. However as he had brought up what’s NOW a trigger, I self harmed again in the bathroom, by means of biting the injury, I had done previously in the shower, but the biting in question occurred in eh bathroom. So then afterwards, I headed back to my sis to collect my Kathleen and headed on back home. heehehe


Diary 15th December 2015

Today was not bad a day. Nothing outta the blue occurred. hahahaah.

It all started when Maudy rang my doorbell heavily. So I went back to bed. Then I got up eventually. I had a doctor’s appointment for the doctor to fill out a form that is one of the requirements of the Supplemental Welfare Allowance.

So then onwards and upwards to collect my rent allowance of which was Double Pay and then I headed onto to the bank to lodge money for the bills. I then continued onwards to hand in my Certificate to Store St., I then headed onto home to get ready for my sis tonight.

I was looking for various items. heeheh. Then on the way to my sis, I went to get pressies for Colette, and my Dad for his birthday AND for Christmas too. Then I headed onto her place to wrap up the pressies AND at the time had hoped to Address the envelopes. However it wasn’t too be as last night, I had created a Report in my Access contacts database and exported that into a PDF and saved it on OneDrive. However even that didn’t work, as it would not show up on my phone. So that was a bummer.

I was watching IrelandAM on my TV. They are currently have a competition of whereby the viewers have to guess “What’s In The Box”, in the lead up to Christmas. The presenters give out clues on the hour of the show. Today’s clue’s so far is as follows: Sir Walter Ralaeigh introduced this, into Ireland. The second clue was that They are categorised as Queens, Records and the Rooster are all varieties of what Vegetables. and the final clue of the competition:  This veg is more fondly known as The “Spud” in Ireland. Now I thought Sir Walter Raleigh introduced the Tobacco in Cigarettes. Well who knew about the spud, hahaahha. of course the answer is Potato.

While going through my blogs I subscribe to, one Blog post was of interest that brought great memories of my Cell Phones usage. heehhe. It was based on what PRE-Android phones ie NON-smartphones. My very first phone was a Panasonic GD35. I remember I didn’t want a mobile phone at all. heheeheh. However Mom n Dad insisted if they wanted me for anything. I got it for my State Examinations aka Leaving Cert year. I remember that I was actually wanting the phone so that I could text. I would only get the numbers of guys I found cute. ehehhe. Now obviously I wasn’t out or anything. But hey. I even went as far if they know how to text instead of calling. Then I also remember that I had only gotten Nokia 3510i, which was a color screen. I remember walking home from some place late at night, I had the phone on display. I held it so tight. I had only finished a class of the ECDL. I really adored this one very much, til it got stolen. So I bought another one. Even that went down a manhole. I was working for a company Noel Hughe’s company – my relative I see on a monthly basis. heheeh. , ahahah. Another one got stolen. I then got myself a Nokia 7310, something like that. This one was not bad. It was a very highend one. My former friend Noel Kenny, recommended it. I remember that when I was looking up specs, that a USB is was a vital thing where I wanted to connect to the computer.

Diary 14th December 2015

Well so far not bad a day, heheheeh. As per my weekly schedule, I didn’t go to bed. heheh. But as well as that, I was doing my catchup on TV shows. So I did my recordings. I was to go to the bike shop to go and have it repaired specifically the brakes.

So Mom collected me at the bike shop and brought me up to there place to get documents printed off and finished off the documentation for the Supplemental Welfare Allowance form. SO that said, on the way up to Mom n Dad’s, Mom wanted a few of HER errands done. One of the errands was to post letters that Dad had written to his relatives and friends for Christmas. Well one I was most NOT prepared for. I was sifting through the cards and all had stamps on the envelope. Now what I find most surpirsing is that he was POSTING to a neighbor of his ie Ailish n Noel. Now he’s wasting money of .70c on a stamp when they live next door. So my point being is that he is harping on about me wasting money on Westwood, yet he’s doing the EXACT same thing. Kinda ironic if u ask me.

So moving on, then I started the printing on at home in their place. I in the meantime rang Sky to move over to Sky Broadband. However as I had forgotten the number one possibility of the cause of delay: aka Christmas. So what I mean thou is that when I was signing up, They would have to come out to install Fibre. If I were to go Standard, there would be no Engineer required, However as I wanted the Fibre, I was required an Engineer. And even with that, I would have to wait few more days to gain access to the Internet with Sky Broadband. So then  afterwards, I headed back to the kitchen table to get soup etc., I then rang Franky, again, and he this time answered the phone, yippppppeeeeeeeeeeee as Zelda Spellman from Sabrina says it – hahahaa. So before I headed on off home, Dad asked if I had cash for the bike repair. And I said I unfortunately didn’t. so what a lecture that came outta of him. He said that me buying presents is silly or something to that affect. I was looking at Mom getting a bit anxious and I told Dad, look just quit it, for Mom’s sake. I told him, I would NOT have gone near him had Social Welfare not gone near me. Even if it were during the year, I still would not have gone near him cash wise I mean. So I then headed on back home to be in time for Frnaky. Then when he came, he brought teh form back home. I had hoped that he fill the, form out there and then, however it wasn’t to be as it was to do with the Accountant.