Diary 30th January 2016

I’m with my mom queuing up for drivers license. Then out of the blue these men come out of nowhere. I tell mom to go and get down n hide. However they spot her n shoot her in the leg. I cover up her mouth to prevent screaming. N she does what Clarkes father did in that she don’t want to be saved. So the guy holds her by her hair n the screams!!!!! Then he rips off her head. I go into manic n can’t scream anymore. So in a fit I attempt to jump off the floor. I tell everyone down below to move away. A woman then catches me. But she herself is caught. So that said the men them throw me off as per my wish.

So then afterwards, after being in bed for almost a week, today was my first day officially out of bed. So I headed out to see Star Wars.

When I came back, I put away shopping I had bought last Sunday.

Diary 28th January 2016

Sad thought but happyish towards the end. I’ve been diagnosed cancer ♋ as a result of the lump on me back. I tell my folks. They recommend I don’t tell me sis. However I would tell her in person. I then proceed to tell her. I’ll be going into hospital n chances are of me coming out of it are slim. So on my dying bed I’m there saying my goodbyes n then just abt me going that I see Mariana n her two daughters aka my two step sisters. Its what they call a miracle. I then proceed to say Mama. But then when I see Him I say oh. So I scream Mariana instead. I threaten the cop with the European court of human rights cause I know Romanian courts are as corrupt as themselves if u ever touches her with anything. I then lastly exclaim that my life was over when I came out. Enjoying family unity. Kathleen’s Doncaster trip etc. Janices house Asda  with my sis meal out with the Mulligans in campo……

Maureen called by to give me grub. Then went back for further sleep. Then got up for mom. We were to collect my social welfare and then head to ndls. However with the rain, and of course traffic to add onto of all that not a chance. So we left it. The guy in post office me thinking he is Italian is actually Romanian. He told me “I’m Romanian. I see yuo are too”.  Says I back to him “God You took your time. Hahaha”.  So wet left it at multmesc, his reply cu placere which means you’re welcome. I thought it was funny thou. Hahaha

So went to moms house for a grub too. Waited for dad to return from his lunch which he has every month with his retires teachers. Dad returns. He told me a memory which I got a fit of laughing. wherreby when my sis n i came over from Romania we went to this house in fox rock to have a meal. Then on the way home my sis says to mom or dad can we go to McDonalds. Aweee. This woman was teaching with dad. Her daughter worked out in NV orphanage. I checked up on dads computer one last time. I defaulted his email program to the original. Hehehe.

Headed to my sis. Then a cuppa. So while I was with my sis Maureen rang to congratulate me on my citizenship I told her off this memory and hence it came back to her.

So came home.

Diary 21st January 2016

Well while I was sleeping Afterall I hadn’t slept for the day Wednesday heheheh.

So as such I had the following dreams.

Whereby I throw the bomb into the Domican College grounds which is a secondary school up the road from where I grew up. hehehe. However the red light is flashing and as such I throw it at the lights of Grace Park Road. We all are affected.

The above dream in my opinion was as a direct result of when Mom told me thaat American’s say “Get a life” relating to my sis’ personal issues(which obvious I ain’t gonna get into).

Then a thought entered my mind, in which I actually got up was I’m with my partner and that I have an episode of stress ie crying consistently and that the partner can’t handle it. So he dumps me into Kilduff and he says he loves me with all his heart, but he can’t hack this with this “Mental case”, so Kilduff then says its at this time he needs all the support afterall his FAM in Romania dumped him. The partner says he didn’t even know he was from Romania let alone his background.

So eventually I got up. I was to collect my 2nd payment of €101 from Basic Supplement Welfare Allowance. hehehe.

So then I came back did a bit of recording. Then afterwards I popped down to my sis to see her. Had a wee chat, as I was in a rush for to see Star Wars. haahah.

However when I arrived, I again got my times mixed up. hahaahah. So I waited til 9.20pm instead. haahah. So shortly after I left Cineworld, for to head home, that my bike got punctured. I was not in the mood to walk home with the bike. So I cycled albeit, not the best in the world, hahaha, but hey. But after Quinns, I walked home from there. There was a terrible noise of a gunshot consistently coming from my bike. hahaha.

Diary 8th January 2016

Thinking of moving to Galway however CineWorld prevent me as I’m subscribed to them they’ve no other branch I realize I’ll never b able to leave Dublin so I just self-harm via biting viciously my arm.
So then I had slept again. As I failed to sleep right up to what I had hoped, I got up an hour beforehand. hehehee.
Again I was to be up for 10 for Dad’s decorations, however, one extra ingredients. and that was to Take 2 to go and get the Bank Statements. However this time, I had my card and PIN. That said I could have done this without a card, eitherway I did print all my printing in the Bank of the statements.
Then I headed on off back to Mom’s car and we both headed on off to Folk’s place to coneitnet on with the decorations. This time we were in the back garden. Again continuing on, with breaks etc., etc., Then Mom dropped me to the Credit Union to withdraw for the Printer I hope to get on Monday.
So then afterwards, I then headed back to bed as I again failed to sleep.

Diary 6th January 2016 – Feast of the Epiphany(Three Wise Men visited Jesus in the Manger); Women’s Christmas

Little humour to start off the blog, hahaha, as I was writing the above Blog title, literally, I got a fit of the giggles. I recalled a quote from Mrs. Brown’s Boys Christmas Special ’14. Mrs. Brown herself says:

“Wise!!!They got fucken lost”, what a class quote from her shows.

The Feast of the Epiphany aswell as being a religious aspect is actually also a day for the women, ie Women’s Christmas or in Irish Nollaig na mBán. You may also hear down through your travels Nollaig Beag which means Little Christmas. Women’s Christmas was actually started in Co. Cork and continens to be an Irish Tradition.

And now back onto me, hheheeheh,

I struggled along to get out of bed for Social welfare, sure who would. hahaha. But that said thou I was saying to meself, could I try tomorrow Thurs, but NO cause Dad wants my sis n I for the decorations to yank your chain down, hahha, Friday assuming he wants me at least back on Friday for the outside lights, ehhehehe so that would be a no no. I said I have to get up for the sake of the payments and more so my bank. Like at the time of writing I was €189 in DR aka DR. So I proceeded to go on in and then head to see Social Welfare. I’d prefer if I didn’t but hey, nothing can be done. Besides my legs were killing me going in let alone going out. The guy then told me everything’s in order. TO come back for the final time. He proceeded to give me an envelope and went to post it. I said that I wasn’t ready for it. I’ve to get details as in Checklists ie I was to get my statements from the Bank and the Credit Union. So he told me come back with everything next week. I then asked, do I have to come in everyweek, like and he said it’ll be put into the Post Office. So he told me come back with everything and that he’ll post my DA for me. When he asked that I sign the checks ie the payments, he noted I was a leftie. heheheh. He also noted to me that If I had come back  a  day late that I would missed a payment. He was the exact same guy who clearly is gay who upset me the day I broke in front of the family. Hence why I have a +Furry Babys Stanescu called Kathleen as my mom cried into my arms comforting me.

I then proceeded to head to the bank AIB to lodge my checks in. Still worrying thou no cash will go in, but nothing can be done thou. However at the same time I went in to get my statements for the Disability Allowance. Apparently it’ll cost me €3 per page for them to send it out to me. Which is quiet bizarre. So I went to the machine however I tried it but it just gave me ONE page, so I’ll try with my NEW card and pin.

Then I went to the Credit Union for again to get Statements from the savings account I have. Only realised that the loan had been payed off in November a week before social welfare were going on about on my case. Hmmm.

So then I came back and decided to head back to sleep. Then while sleeping a memory came back of whereby I was l listing of all the home alone movies I have. Home alone 3 I was studying it r whatever I had watched it when I came back from a boat trip on the StenaHSS. We went over to Holyhead, Wales,UK. In a cold wet Nov. We looked around. I bought r whoever a PC Game on a Floppy disk 💾 god b the days. It was a Christmas 🎅 quiz game 🎮   there was a question about Wet wet wet a music band.

I then woke up for a few hours to do the last two Home Alone films. heheehh

Then just as I wake up I gave myself a horrible trigger point whereby when I recalled Social Welfare upsetting me on Wed 23rd and Mom comforting me. Then in the thought, I rush out wanting to cry further, however Dad being obsessed with his Christmas Lights Bulbs, warns me not to step on the ligts as at the time in reality my sis and my Dad were doing up the lights when Mom n I came back. I accidentally or whatever step on one of them. Then Dad gets angry and I squabble up or crumble to a pancake kinda shape ie embryo more so. I scream “get away from me”. He then opens up and says come I want to hug you. So I in my infinite wisdom, actually go up and get hugged, however he continues to squeeze me rendering me breathless and then breaks my spinal chord in half. And then throws away my body like a rag doll down the bottom of the garden. My sis and Mom witness this and exclaim to the Emergency Services that “I have witnessed an actual murder”. Remember “A life is NOT replaceable whereas , Christmas Light Bulb IS replaceable”. So then I was putting on my Onesie, and I grabbed my sleeve and had at it and of course my arm while I was in teh toilet too. I was describing I use sleeves more so than arms. The arm is for private self harm or where no one is looking and the sleeve is ONLY for those who don’t judge me ie my sis.

Diary 1st January 2016 – New Years Day

PS THIS POST CONTAINS GRAPHIC CONTENT

Well today was not bad a day. After last night’s celebrations, of which my main aim was to try and forget what my pops said to my sis n I back on Stephen’s Day. So afterwards,  I got up after MORE lack of sleep for a dinner with Mom, Dad, Maureen and my sis. The Mulligans were up their when we arrived. heheeh. They were heading on up to Eileens for a meal or something. hehehhe.

So then after the meal, we all dispersed. I headed for my 24hr sleep. Which is quite true when you think about it. hahaha.

One of the dreams that I had was that I’m with a friend in a classroom or some building. The friend is shot several times in front of my eyes. I then am questioned by the cops as to what exactly happened. One of the questionings, I’m at a tourism item my Mom on some boat or about to hope on one that shows us Flowers on the tour. While writing one of the explanations on paper, for the cops, I break down, with my paper in front of my face hiding my emotions. So it is with great regret that Mom n I have to let the tourism boat to someone else.

Then thoughts arrived of which one was to go and ask my sis for advise on Sleepers as she calls em, then another horrific one is as follows:

A severe thought enters my brain when I recall my drink being spiked or at least being worried about it. Then afterwards  I then wakeup with a gun to my head when I wanna escape. 2 girls r raping me. One sticks a thread down the slit of my penis while the other is sucking it. Then I attempt to escape but the gun is still on my forehead. So somehow I escape naked. Wanting someone to run me over doesn’t work so I attempt to jump off Luke Kelly bridge. However realising no ones around I walk into the Mater naked  and scream that I was raped by two lesbians. So in the meantime I puncture something in my arm and have at it by means of scissoring the skin.

I have noticed thou that I have been failing to sleep immediately the way I used to. I had buckets of blankeies on me, not even that did the job. So I put Kathleen and my Sammy atop me. OH it made me feel loved again. heheeheh

Another thought that I had is that for 2016, I just need to know truthfully why I was given up. SO for the “truthful” as much as possible. The minute Maureen gives me the number. I will ring the person who was in charge of the foster process. I understood she was in contact with Marina. heehhe. So my next Puppys or whatever I’ll be getting will be called Marina. ie my Birth Mom’s name.